My Girls

**Quick note: My sister Hayley and I have been snowed in together for much of the time the girls have been gone. It's been a blast, but I still miss my girls.**

These last couple of weeks I've had the extreme displeasure of coming home every night, and not being welcomed home by Kristen, Kayt, and Ella. I've also had to go to bed alone, wake up alone, say goodbye to an empty house - you get the idea. I knew I would miss my girls, but the idea behind them going home to Idaho now is that I'm rarely home during tax season. How much could I miss them for the two waking hours I'm not working?

Honestly, in some ways I looked forward to them being away for a bit. I wouldn't feel as guilty when I'm still at the office at 11. I could catch up on some reading, eat more sausage and potato chips, stay up and watch college basketball, and not have someone stealing all the covers. The girls room wouldn't smell like diapers.

I think at some point, every married person envies the flexibility of the single life. There seem to be hordes of single people that surround us Mormon kids that married young. Kristen and I have talked about how our lives would have been different if we'd never hit it off, or if Kayt and Ella hadn't come along so soon. At graduate school and at work I've always been one of the only married people and definitely the only one with multiple kids. You can't help but notice the contrast when I'm working to get home so I can tuck in the girls, and everyone else is working to get off in time to go to the latest nightspot downtown. I have no regrets about the timing of when the girls entered my life - the sooner the better.

Well, I got a chance to see my life sans the girls and it was very, very boring. Boring isn't strong enough. Barren, vacant, tedious, uninspired. I realized that a lot of my energy every day comes from being around or working to be around Kristen. I realized that most of what makes me really laugh comes from Kayt and Ella. I rediscovered that what gives me joy is my family.

I know this because I did all of the things you're supposed to do on your own to be happy. I started an exercise plan consisting mostly of pullups. I cooked wonderful meals (healthy and a la grease bomb). I finally perfected crispy hashbrowns, which was a long standing goal. I took long walks outside in the trees. I oil painted (badly), played basketball, read inspired scripture and fiction, listened to music, sang in the car (also badly), made lots of money for my company, and served others (thank you blizzard). And yet, I never went to bed thinking, "Today was a good day." It was always, "I wonder what the girls are doing."

A lot of you probably think this dependence is unhealthy, but so what. I miss my girls. I'm grateful they're coming home in 3 days. I look forward to seeing the twinkle in Kristen's big green eyes. I look forward to playing princess with Kayt. I look forward to gasping when Ella dives off the couch and then laughing afterwards at her big gap-toothed grin. So much of who they are and what they do makes me want to be a better person. Part of that is religious, as I want to be with them forever. Part of it is just the obvious gap I see between who they are - beautiful, intelligent, charming, forgiving - and what I am. I love them so much.